Pfft.

So many things to do. So little time.

Last week this week before the finals! :/
TFN report, Math&TFN&Nihongo tests, CHEM quizzes... GAH.

Oh Lord, please help me get through these things. By next week, I'll be having my final exams already. Sana naman maka-concentrate na ako. Be my inspiration, Lord. Please. I need your guidance, God. :)

Hey you! Samishii yo. Nagcompet ka lang, hindi ka na nagparamdam. Tssskk. =))) Oh well. At ikaw naman, namimiss narin kita. SOBRA. :/

blahblah

Okay. I'm slowly making my life better. I'm trying to live happily now but everytime I feel this way, I think I'm being selfish. :/ I told everyone I'm not giving up, but I think I am, gradually. I don't want to, but I think he wants me to. :(

I'm waiting here patiently for him to talk to me. But he just wouldn't talk. I don't know if he's just waiting. But I am too. :/

Basta, I want you to approach me para I know you want to talk to me. Hindi katulad kapag ako nag-appraoch sayo, feeling ko, napipilitan ka lang. You told me we're friends so don't hesitate talking to me. :> I'd be more willing to talk to you. Namimiss na kita sa totoo lang. Tinitiis ko lang. :/

tired.

I am tired. I'm starting to get numb.
But I'll keep on praying. I'll keep on holding on.
I'll never let go. I'll be strong.
Forever.


-selective amnesia, please? :))

I miss you.

I miss this guy so much already. I haven't talked to him for 5 longgg days now. :/ Tsk. I know I don't cross his mind now, but still... GAH.

You're always on mind.

I love you, babe. :(

"If you wanna know how much I miss you, try to catch the raindrops. The ones you catch is how much you miss me and the ones you miss is how much i miss you.."

Prayer.

Holy Mass earlier.

As I was praying, tears wanted to fall.
As I was looking at His face, my heart was melting.

I just can't imagine how good He is to me. He never left me. He was never ashamed of me. Everytime I ask something from Him, He wholeheartedly gives me whatever it is.

Kanina, nagdadasal ulit ako tungkol samin. Nagdadasal ako na sana maging okay kami ulit; na sana huwag niyang hayaang mawala ako. Pero parang habang sinasabi ko yun sa Kanya, unti-unti akong nanlalambot parang gusto ko na lang lahat ipaubaya sa Kanya. Paulit-ulit kong sinasabi sa Kanya na mahal ko 'yung taong pinagdarasal ko. Na sana sa Christmas, maging masaya na ulit kaming magkasama. Kahit nga sa 18th birthday ko, siya na lang sana ang regalo ko. Sa totoo lang, I don't want material things for Christmas and for my birthday. Mabigay lang ulit sakin yung pagmamahal na gusto ko, masaya na ko.

Ang gusto ko lang mangyari ngayon ay maging okay kami. Parang last year, masaya naman kaming naglolokohan at nagaasaran. Masaya na ko kapag siya yung naunang kumausap sakin. Ngayon kasi, ibang iba. Para talagang isa akong kakilala lang na kakausapin niya kapag ako yung kumausap sa kanya. Wala lang. Feeling ko kasi, ganun eh.

Nasasaktan ako sa mga nangyayari. Pero kahit anong gawin niyang pananakit, hindi ko kasi magawang magalit sa kanya. Kahit ilang beses pa niya ako siguro ipagtabuyan, hindi ko kayang sumuko. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ganito pero siguro sabi ni God, huwag ako mag-give up. Basta, bahala na si Lord. Ipagpapatuloy ko nalang ipagdasal ang taong yun. Siguro, yun lang ang kaya ko ipakita sa kanya ngayon...

Gustong gusto ko iparamdam sayo kung gaano kita kamahal. Gustong gusto ko bumawi sa lahat ng pagkukulang ko. Gusto kong makasama ka hanggang sa huli pero kasi parang pinipigilan mo ako. Sana naman magkaroon pa ko ng pagkakataon gawin lahat ng gusto kong gawin para sayo... Sana naman huwag mo kong kalimutan. Sana naman matutunan mo kong mahalin ulit... :( Alam kong kaya natin 'to... Huwag mo lang pabayaan...

--200 days na sana kami sa October 26. :(

"I’m waiting for the sky to fall
I’m waiting for a sign"

No comment.

Hay. I can't understand myself.
I don't know what to do now.

I don't want to move.
I don't want to do anything.
:/

I need you.
I love you.
Please don't push me away.

Don't tear us apart.
:(

TFN Blah.

Our TFN class was cancelled again. Haha. I was supposed to have a 12-4 class today but yeah, it was postponed. As always. T_T

Dang. It's the 13th today. : I want to talk to him but I don't know what's stopping me. He's online and I am too. Buttttt. : Gaaaaaaaah. Maybe I'm waiting for him to talk to me like what he did to his friend last week. :

Hello. :D

I'm physically, mentally and emotionally tired. I swear I need atleast 3 days of rest. I don't know why I feel this way. It is just so tiring having your body, mind and heart work all at the same time. Sometimes I want to set aside my heart but something's pulling me not to.

They say, 'love without expecting to be loved in return'. It makes me wonder why. Don't I deserve to be loved by someone I love? I even sometimes think that person is selfish but there's nothing I can do. Perhaps... I don't know. HAHA. There's a part of me saying I should stop and let go but I really can't understand what's pulling me back. Perhaps, it's still L.O.V.E.

I admit everytime we talk, I feel less pain. I don't feel bitterness rather. Although he tells me things a girl wouldn't want to hear from a guy she's inlove with for the rest of her life, I see it a challenge. I don't know why it makes me strong. Well, stronger. Some people tell me, if they were in my place, they would probably break down and give up. But I am different. I can't understand myself everytime I'm being rejected and forgotten, I'd do things to make them feel I am not worth of their rejection.

Several things are just so unclear to me. I can't understand him and even myself too. Perhaps we both need time to realize our worth and purpose for each other. We both have to ponder on what we can do to make us better. We need time. Only time.

Sorry for this, I just believe we are meant to be together. Although trials are continuously coming our way, I know with God, we'll get through this. I know we will. :)

Just keep holding on.
Prayers are powerful and with God, all things are possible. :)

CONFUSED.

No classes for today. HAHA. Again, I was supposed to be doing a lot lot lot of things but I just couldn't start. HAHA.

I saw my ex yesterday. And I missed him, terribly. I tried to act as if nothing happened between the two of us. I tried to be a friend to him and I guess, I did.

When I woke up earlier, the first thing that came into my mind was him. I don't know why. I just suddenly remembered him. :| I missed everything about him. I suddenly wanted to talk to him. Akala ko, okay na ako. I thought I was over him. But now, I'm thinking... Guess I'm wanting him back again despite of everything that happened a month ago. Although he did nothing but to tease me yesterday, I realized that it was a sweet thing. I don't know.

I am confused of totally letting him go or keep holding on to him. Gaaad.
Oh well. Perhaps what I can just do is to let things as it should be; to let him do what he wants and just be happy for him...


Should I stay this way or do something for him?